Mr. FvF and I took a quick weekend trip to Cleveland recently, and left the boy behind at Nana's so we could pretend to be young again. As much as I was hoping to come back with a laundry list of dining experiences, a traveling weekend is really only one full day. On the way there, we had lunch at a BBQ place just outside the city that was less than memorable. I'd also love to tell you we dolled up for at least one fancy dinner out, but in late April, we were still wearing our winter coats in Cleveland. After walking our asses off to get back & forth from the Rock Hall, we felt like we deserved ALL the food (not to mention all the sangria). We made a reservation at Mallorca, a Spanish restaurant within walking distance of where we were staying. I'd heard they serve a lobster the size of a cat, so I figured their other portion sized would be similarly shameful. I was right!

We started with a pitcher of sangria and Chorizo a la Plancha. this was the dry-cured type of chorizo, sliced into coins and broiled, and it was delicious. Better still, there was a nice plump black olive for nearly every piece of sausage.
I chose one of their veal scallopini dishes (yes, they have more than one!)...

and Mister went for the shrimp as usual. I can't recall the name of his dish, as it's not listed on their website now, but it looked impressive and he was a very happy man.


Did I mention that's not all of the food? Because that's not all of the food. We also had salad, freshly steamed veggies, housemade chips and yellow rice with pigeon peas.


It's a million wonders that they didn't have to put wheels underneath me and roll my big ass out of there like Violet Beauregarde.

The next morning we trekked to the other side of town to check out the West Side Market on 25th Street. I was bound and determined to find all of the carbs possible at the public market, and it didn't disappoint. I ended up with a shit ton of fresh pasta and sauces from Ohio Pasta Company, as well as enough petite desserts to make Wilford Brimley shiver in his therapeutic loafers. The Market also happens to be just around the corner from Great Lakes Brewing Company.

We had a very boozy lunch there and tried some new brews that weren't yet being bottled and sold, and I was very happy to get to cross this off my list. The brewery and restaurant itself is a very nifty, historic building complete with much of the original woodwork and the telltale narrow stairs leading up to another dining area. Our server was very knowledgeable about the beers and the food, and was happy to let us taste anything we wanted to prior to ordering (without charging us, of course). The Mister had fish & chips, battered in their Edmund Fitzgerald Porter. I'll remind you that I'm not a fish eater - I always try a bite of what he orders and decide I'd eat it if I were starving, but not order it. This fish, I'd actually order. Aside from some seafood I've had on the coast, this is the best fish I've had. Note that I'm not a fish connoisseur. I'm one of those people that doesn't want their fish to taste much like fish. That said, my husband (who loves virtually all fish) really enjoyed it, too.

I had the Old World Burger, a big-ass patty swimming in a porter BBQ sauce, smoked cheddar, bacon and fried onion straws, all snuggled up in a pretzel roll. According to the menu, both the beef and rolls are sourced locally from Westside Market vendors. It was a hell of a burger, and our server had a little "I told you so" moment when I asked for a box for the remainder.
Also, I chose tots over fries and suggest you do the same. These aren't your every day tots. They have a "tot of the day" that's creatively seasoned, plus they're all handmade and huge. The flavors of the burger were all perfect together, but I will admit the grind of the meat was a bit too find and it got just dry enough to crumble with each bite. It was easily masked by all of the gooey toppings, but I doubt I'd have wanted to eat the burger without them. the rest of the experience was so pleasant, though, that I hesitate to dock them too many points for that. While I may not order a burger next time, I'd absolutely visit again if we find ourselves in Cleveland another time.

I totally love this guy.  He knows how bacon is supposed to be!  A new citizen of FvF, for sure.

The wheel turning and burger stuffing never ends at Chez FvF.  I'd been rolling around the idea of a brie burger after something I saw on Food Network, and would not be stopped until I made one that lived up to the expectations in my head.  Luckily, I got in on the first try - because frankly, sometimes I give up easily - even with all this big talk.

Here we go, eaters - FvF is officially in print!  Right now, the column is running in the Xenia Gazette, and will probably branch out to the rest of the Times Community Newspapers' weeklies and dailies.  As not to deprive you of any juicy gossip, reviews or recipes, I'll be posting the links here each time my column runs in the paper. everybody wins!

You can checkout the intro and a recipe for Chipotle Chicken Tostadas here, and last week's bit on making stuffed burgers here.  Enjoy, and please give feedback on my new print adventures!

Now that I'm fully back to my natural rhythm at work, which entails virtually living out of my car and driving around 100 miles a day, getting lost frequently and eating entirely too much fast food and takeout - I've had a chance to sample some of the new offerings from Burger King, Taco Bell and KFC.   Most times, I will order something like a salad, or a grilled chicken sandwich and eat it open-faced.  But, when the big guys offer something new, I feel like it's my duty to try it for you. Aren't you glad I'm sacrificing my own waistline so you'll know if it's worth it to ruin yours?

First and foremost, Taco Bell's Doritos Locos Tacos.  Simply put, these are their regular ol' tacos in a shell made of  Nacho cheese Doritos.  And guess what it tastes like?  Exactly that.  A TB taco covered on Dorito dust.  It's one of those borderline-shameful meals that you should have at least once to say you did (assuming these will only be here for a limited time), but never again.  One thing I will commend them on is the way they chose to package these.  When you dig into your bag, you find the standard paper taco wrapper, but inside that, your crazy taco is cupped by a thin cardboard shell of its own that helps you eat it without getting your hands covered in cheedle.

Then there's KFC's Chunky Chicken Pot Pie.  I had only caught the tail end of the ad they've been running for it, featuring a groovy ebony & ivory bro-fest and a pretty awesome car - so that's not what led me to check it out.  It's not that I don't love pot pie - let me be clear that I DO.  But, the same as Mr. FvF agreed to turn the grill over to me, I gave up the quest for the perfect pot pie recipe when I realized he's one of those people who hates all of his foods mixed together.  What lead me to try it was all of the positive reviews I kept hearing from reputable sources.  One week, I had to drive back and forth from Dayton to Columbus every day for work. Naturally, I wasn't in the mood to cook when I got home - so one night, we decided to let the Colonel take care of dinner.  I have to admit, it's among the top three pot pies I've ever had and one of the best fast food items I've ever eaten.  For me, KFC rarely gets things right.  Their chicken is always either too hot to eat, below room temp, and greasy. I don't like any of their sides, either.  So, it astonishes me that I'm calling this pie a total home run.  The crust is perfect.  Golden and flaky on top, soft and buttery underneath. The sauce is somewhere between what you'd find in your own pot pie or any number of frozen pot pies, and a creamy white gravy.  The filling is heavier on big chunks of white meat chicken than you'd imagine for the price, and the veggie ratio is pretty reasonable, though it could use a few more bursts of color.  At an ball-dropping 790 calories and 45 grams of fat, this is probably another thing that you should find an occasion to eat.  I'm sure you won't have trouble finding one, though.

Burger King is really McDonald-ing up their menu lately.  I say that in the nicest way possible - but I can't find another way to explain the addition of new all-breast meat chicken offerings, slightly healthy wraps and fruit smoothies.  They're making an attempt to healthify things, which I respect.  The last menu change they did - their new thicker-cut fries - still has me salty.  Otherwise, as long as BK keeps serving Icees and Whoppers, I don't give a shit what else they put on their menu.  I had already tried one of their new Chef's Choice burgers, and can report that it was tasty.  Higher quality bun and toppings, and a thicker, less greasy tasting patty made for a big improvement on their burgers (which I'll admit I already liked).  On a whim, I decided to try Burger King's New Chicken Strips.  I've never been a fan of BK's tenders/nuggets/whatever.  They're all the mechanically separated and processed, super soft stuff.  If I wanted that, I could eat the fake Morningstar Farms chicken and be making a much healthier choice.  I had no idea what the difference was between the tenders and strips on their menu, and I still do't know now.  So, I ordered the strips and was pleasantly surprised - they really are all white breast meat.  But, the breading leaves a lot to be desired.  It's lacking tremendously in spices and seasoning, and the texture doesn't really do anything for me, either.  They have a new line of sauces for all this new chicken, too.  People who work at Burger King don't know what the hell a food blogger is, so I can't try all the sauces unless I want to pay 25 cents extra for each one outside of the one that comes with my food.  I chose the Kung Pao, but they also have roasted jalapeno, sweet & sour and something else I don't remember.  The Kung Pao was good, but a little too heavy on the soy sauce for my taste.  Just too damn salty for a mid-day meal.  Overall, it was very meh.  If you want good chicken strips, find yourself a Hardee's.

The winner of this Fast Food Thunderdome is....

The Colonel!  KFC's new pot pie is legit. I highly recommend trying one, but make sure you're aware it is an indulgence.  This isn't something anyone should beat eating everyday, unless you want to wind up looking like this guy. Or this lady.

Here's the deal, lunchboxes - I should be welcoming a little tiny eater in about T minus two weeks.  I have a metric shitload of reviews that need written. At this point, making separate entries for each one is NOT going to happen.  So, you're going to get a lot of quick, abridged reviews, without photos.  I'd be happy to provide photos and additional commentary if you're curious about a specific place or dish - just leave something in the comments section.  Loosen up your Sans-a-Belts, here we go!

Smashburger - Dayton, Ohio (UD)
Hadn't gotten around to trying this place or Five Guys, and there was a groupon-type thing available for around $12 worth of food.  Two burgers, one order of fries and one soda was $16.  DAMN!  A bit steep for what I consider fast food.  I can't seem to recall specifics, but their menu was a little limited and confusing - and the staff had no idea what their signature sauce was.  I do specifically recall that the restaurant was filthy.  The floors were so dirty and sticky that I lost my shoe to it three times.  EW, Smashburger.  The food itself wasn't bad, but certainly wasn't impressive.  Fries were so greasy, they were transparent.  I'd choose Tank's any day, for my money.  Hell, with the experience we had, I'd probably pick Hardee's over Smashburger.  
1 out of 5 sporks! 


CJ Chan - Dayton, Ohio
Finally tried this place out for date night after hearing nothing but rave reviews.  Situated in a really odd spot, in a tiny shopping center just between the ass-end of Kettering and Walnut Hills, the place has very limited parking and seating (not to mention pulling into the lot at over 2mph can do some damage to your car).  We lucked out and gt their just before dinner rush and had a terrific meal.  Mr. FvF had sweet & sour pork and I had Mongolian beef - probably some of the best and most traditional I've ever had.  Fried pork dumplings were also excellent. Prices were right on point, service was tops and the menu is extensive and impressive.  Can't wait to go back.      
5 out of 5 sporks! 



Rootbeer Stande - Kettering, Ohio
Exactly what you'd expect from a drive-in restaurant.  The girls don't wear roller skates, but otherwise it's just as old-timey as you'd expect.  Burgers, dogs, and lots of fair-fare (corn dogs, Texas tenderloins, funnel cakes), and nothing over $5, if memory serves.  More importantly, the rootbeer is super tasty, and heavy on the sasparilla, which is just the way I like it.  My bacon cheeseburger was nice & messy, loaded with toppings, and the Mister's tenderloin was mammoth and delicious. We also split the fried pickle spears and mini corn dogs, which I highly recommend.  FYI, they only take cash.               
5 out of 5 sporks! 



Brunch Club - Dayton, Ohio
Another groupon-type deal. Hadn't been here in years, since it was The Breakfast Club.  We met another couple there for brunch and had an excellent meal.  Kind of made me wonder why I don't hear more about the place - but judging by the wait for a table, maybe it's the kind of place everyone tries to keep secret.  Mr. FvF and I were thrilled to see Chicken & Waffles on the specials board, and even more excited to see that it's on their everyday menu.  He couldn't resist ordering that, I had the meat lovers' omelette, and our brunch buds had the eggs benedict and breakfast burrito with sides of potato cakes.  Everything was spot-on.  I'm not usually a hash brown fan, but theirs were crispy, onion-y and not greasy at all - just perfect.  The omelette was fluffy and on par with my favorites from Golden Nugget.  Mr. FvF's dish was downright impressive.  The waffle was just a waffle like any other, but the super fresh, hot broasted chicken was out of this world.  The breakfast burrito was incredibly fresh-tasting for something that was covered in gravy, and I have to take someone else's word that the eggs benedict was very well done also. The service could have been better.  Our waitress was a bit slow (cutting her some slack b/c of the crowd), but incredibly clumsy and forgetful.  We had to ask for my husband's coffee three times, and she spilled water all over our table right out of the gate.   Also, when I ask for chocolate milk "with my meal," that's when I want it.  With my meal.  Few things irritate me more than letting milk sit for 5-10 minutes, getting warm while waiting for my food.  And when are eateries going to get hip to frosty glasses for milk?  Every place I order it, it's practically room temperature.  As far as price, serving sizes are commensurate with the cost.   Will definitely be heading here again.    
4 out of 5 sporks! 



McCormick & Schmick's - Beavercreek, Ohio
Sadly, this is from Restaurant week, back in July.  Pitiful, I know.  We double-dated with another couple - the boys both ordered the cashew-crusted tilapia (regular menu)and sweet potato cous cous, and the gals both ordered off the RW menu - filet florentine, cucumber salad and flourless chocolate torte.  The main dishes and cous cous were pitch-perfect, but some of the sides and salads needed a little touching up.  The vinaigrette on the cucumber salad was far too tart.  A little sweetness would have gone a long way.  The boys' cous cous was amazing and finished with Jamaican rum butter, but the risotto that came with the RW specials was, well - nothing special.  One of the dessert choices was supposed to be chocolate silk pie with bourbon creme anglaise, but had been changed to the torte with raspberry sauce. It was very good, but could have used a few fresh raspberries to balance the dense sweetness.  Service was good, despite our wait for a table when I had reservations and partied of the same size who arrived after us were seated before us.  Price points were very fair on their regular menu - most entrees between $15 and $25.  I can definitely see us dining here again, perhaps for a special occasion, outside of Restaurant Week.                
4 out of 5 sporks! 


El Toro - Huber Heights, Ohio
Ew.  I won't even go into too much detail here, because it's not worth it.  Standard Mexican-fare menu, price points are about the same no matter where you go.  I ordered something with shredded beef, which was incredibly fatty and bland.  Service was so-so.  Again, EW.  Would not go back.  Giving them one point because my co-workers swear their food was good.                                      
1 out of 5 sporks!



Blueberry Cafe - Bellbrook, Ohio
Best breakfast I've had that wasn't at my mama's house.  Excellent service, huge portions and the food was simply outstanding.  I went there because I had a hankering for French Toast, and I heard they do it right. Upon arrival, I realized that this place was truly sent to answer a pregnant girl's prayers.  On the specials?  Banana bread pudding french toast.  I almost wish I was making it up, because I want to eat it every day of my life.  I think there was unicorn blood in it.  Magical.  The leftovers - about half a slice, took more than one hand to hold, and Mr. FvF and I split the half piece for breakfast the next morning.  Two very small complaints - the goodness that oozed from my French toast got all under my potatoes and eggs, making them more sweet than savory.  Boo.  And again, with the milk.  I asked for it with my meal, and it came out 10 minutes ahead - not all that cold, and just getting warmer.  Blueberry Cafe seems to be renowned for their breakfasts, but their lunch menu also looks impressive, as do their Friday night dinner offerings.  The place is very tiny, so a wait is likely, but well worth it. They do take reservations for dinner, not sure about breakfast and lunch, though.  Price points might be considered on the higher end for breakfast and lunch, but the portions more than warrant it.
4.5 out of 5 sporks! 

You've probably noticed a trend of fried pickle reviews, and this is no different.  The night we headed to Superfly Comics in Yellow Springs for the Adam Warrock in-store, we stopped at Ye Old Trail Tavern to grab a bite. I'd actually made dinner for Mr. Warrock and Mr. FvF, but made mine separate with a Japanese gluten-free (and practically calorie-free) noodle called Shiritaki.  Given it's guiltless nutrition facts, I really wanted to love it, but EW.  It took ages of rinsing and some par-boiling to get rid of the barf-o-riffic fish smell, and they had a rubbery chew and clumped together like hipsters trapped in Sears.  So, I picked the steak and snap peas out of my dish and figured I could grab an appetizer later.

The dudes bother ordered burgers, and my sister ordered the Pesto Grilled Cheese, which I may or may not have forced her into just so I could have a bite.  The pickles had a liquid-based batter on them that had quite a kick to it.  They were served with a creamy wasabi dip, which I originally thought was the source of the heat. But, even when I backed off of the dip, they still bit back.  They were definitely good, but we could have used a more attentive server to keep the water coming.

The burgers looked good, but the patty-to-bun ratio didn't impress me.  If there is any excess bun, I really don't think it should exceed 1/8".  This was more like 1/4-1/2".  But, keep in mind, this place is pretty cheap for a sit-down joint.
The grilled cheese that Skillz got was pretty amazing.  She shared a bit with me, which could either be contributed to sisterly love and the instinct to make sure your younger siblings are fed, or that she's afraid I'll hit her in the head with a sleeve of frozen bagels again.

I don't have a lot to base this on since I didn't have a full meal, but I did get to sample a good bit of everyone elses.  Service was so-so, food was cheap and tasty, and full glasses of wine were $4.

Normally during RW, you get a 3+ course meal for around $20.  The price has always followed the year, so logically, this year it should be $20.11.  However, the powers that be decided to change it to $25.11, which a lot of people are pretty peeved about.  While I completely sympathize with the rising cost of food, a 25% hike is a bit much all at once.  So, for five extra bucks, per person, I'm looking for something pretty high end.  Hell, for some of the participants this was an all around price hike.  You could probably eat a two, maybe even a three course meal not even ordering from the Restaurant Week menu.  But, when you're splitting the five on dinner for two, it doesn't seem like such a gouge.  Dublin Pub had by far the most expansive menu options for their two-fer, so we met my sister and her fella there Wednesday night for dinner.

They got there at 5 and grabbed a table, and said there wasn't a soul in the place besides them.  But, by the time we arrived just a few minutes after 6, it was uncomfortable packed.  Dub Pub has really small, cramped booths anyway - so when they're all full and people have coats hanging everywhere, it's a pain in the ass.  To boot, we had a semi-shared booth with some of the most uppity people I've ever seen.  While we tried to politely pile into our booth, they huffed, scowled and scrunched together like we were carrying the great plague.

The onion rings had a great batter on them, but they used a really potent white onion, rendering them almost inedible.  The corned beef sliders were pretty good, but the addition of herbed cheese (something like Boursin, I assume) really helped them out.

Our entrees were taking ages to come out, so we decided to have a smoke.  There are a few magical things about leaving the table and/or lighting a cigarette that makes food appear magically.  Even though the RW menu notes that the sirloin is only 6 ounces, we all chuckled at the meat-to-potato ratio when my sister and I got our plates.
I had to remind our server that we were supposed to get side salads with our meal, and I was kind of tired of fooling with him. So, I asked the  much more attentive bus boy for steak knives when I realized our server hadn't brought us any.  The sirloin entrees both came with an herbed butter that was good on both the steak and potatoes.  Considering what it lacked in size, the steaks were well-seasoned and cooked nicely.

The gents both ordered the Pub Burger - a burger topped with the Pub Fries (steak fried with bacon and white wine cream sauce) that helped make the Pub a notable eatery.  And arteries be damned, more fries were served alongside the burger.  This was really great timing considering Mr. FvF was having his blood drawn for a health risk assessment at work the next day. High cholesterol, ahoy!  The boys both said there burgers were good, just not remarkable. The famous white wine cream sauce was almost absent from the "pub fries" part of the burger as well, which disappointed them.


Once we finished our meals, our server came back and asked us if we were thinking about having dessert.  Yet again, I had to remind him that dessert was part of the meal we had ordered.  It should have been brought to the table with little more than asking if we were ready for it.  Unfortunately, I don't have a photo of the "Must Be 21 Sundae" because my phone batteries were too run to take a flash pic. Just trust me when I say that booze, cinnamon ice cream, chocolate drizzle and whipped cream are all very good things.  We were pretty full, though, so no one finished theirs.

The food wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't outstanding, and DubPub has some serious service issues.  The big thing that's saving them here is the bang we got for our buck during Restaurant Week.  I won't be too eager to head back, though.

You porkchops must be chompin' at the bit for another entry by now!  We're still experiencing technical difficulties at Chez FvF, so I'm rotating between my Droid and the Mister's lappy trying to get some reviews and recipes drafted.  

When our buddy Adam Warrock was in town for his show at SPT, we decided to take him to what we consider one of the most "Dayton-y" places of all, Tank's Bar, for lunch.  Due to my allergies and fat ass, we hadn't been to Tank's in ages.  Having taken the day off from work, I got up that morning and hit the gym, paying my penance in advance for the bacon cheeseburger that I planned on murdering. 
I always said I'd save my running for when the cops discovered my meth lab, but perspectives change when you hit 30 and start to resemble a something from a Flemish painting more than something on the side of a WWII bomber. 

Naturally, Mr. FvF and I both ordered bacon cheeseburgers, mid-well (this is one of the few areas where we agree on food).  He chose the fries, while I opted to sub my chips for their cole slaw, which I'd never tried. 


The burger, as always with Tanks, was stellar.  A huge, nearly one inch patty that was well-seasoned and cooked perfectly.  Toppings all on the side (including pickle chips *and* a spear), with plenty of melty cheese and enough bacon to cover your burger and still have a little nibble for yourself.  If I'm going to have bread, it's nice to have choices - so I'm always thrilled to be able to get my burger on an onion bun (they also have white, wheat, and kaiser).
The cole slaw, though, did not wow me.  See how dense and creamy it looks in the photo? that's a very accurate portrayal of how it tasted.  It was very thick with mayo, almost like a cream-based potato salad.  That left the veggies with little to no crunch, and there really wasn't a hint of sweetness to any of it.  Next time I'll just stick with the chips and pawn them off on my husband.  Our guest got the super-stuffed ham & cheese on rye with chips and was very happy with it.

One thing I wished I would have noticed before we ordered, is that Tank's now serves breakfast all day, every day.  Even when I lived across the street, I never managed to make it there for breakfast, so I sort of blew my first opportunity without even knowing it. But, apparently they've been doing this for ages, so it's no fault of the server for not mentioning it.  Speaking of which, our server was quick, friendly, and kept our drinks full - even bringing Mr. Warrock an entire carafe of coffee when he ordered a cup.  Some diners might see that as lazy service, but I think it's just working smarter, not harder. 

A pleasant experience at one of Dayton's finest institutions for lunch.  Only a scant half point off for that funky slaw.

I've been busy pushing maximum density lately, which has left me with a whirlwind of Gem City restaurant news to catch up on. First off, a ton of new eateries are opening.

With a massive hangover in tow, we decided to check out Angie's Firehouse Tavern last weekend. I'd been meaning to try it since it re-opened in Belmont a while back, but it just became one of those things we never got around to.

Wednesday night, I headed to Cincinnati with Tim & KG to see THE Greg Dulli. I rarely talk about my likes outside of food here, but let me make this very clear - Greg Dulli (of Afghan Whigs, Twilight Singers & Gutter Twins fame) is the only man besides my husband that I will love until my dying breath. Not the same way, of course. I love the Dulli in a mildly creepy, obsessive way - not an ironing his shirts and dealing with his mother sort of way.

We always have plenty of cheese on hand for snackin', so a lot of times, I'll put stuffed burgers on the menu for the week and have no clue what I'm going to do with them until the moment hits me. This past week, Kroger had some decent looking smoked gouda on sale - and few things go better with gouda (besides more gouda) than bacon (which of course, we also always have on hand).

Bacon & Smoked Gouda Burgers

1 lb ground chuck (80/20)
4 oz smoked gouda, cut into cubes
3-4 tbsp bread crumbs
4 slices of bacon, cooked crisp & coarsely chopped
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cracked pepper
1 clove garlic, minced

Garlic Paprika Aioli
3 tbsp mayo
1 tbsp olive oil
1/2 minced garlic clove
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp smoked paprika


Combine all of the ingredients with your hands until very well mixed and form into patties. My personal preferred method is to make them into giant meatballs and flatten them just slightly - that way they don't cook too quickly or overcook. If you spy any of the cheese cubes poking out, thumb them back in and cover it up with ground beef. This will keep the precious cheese from oozing out during cooking when it starts to melt.

Toss them onto a hot grill (or cast iron, if you're sans grill) for about 3-5 minutes per side, or until they've got just a little give left to them, much like a medium steak (should create the same resistance as touching your nose with your finger). Don't squish the burger with the spatula. Love your burger, and let it keep all of it's juices. Love it!

As loyal readers know, Mr. FvF hates onions, otherwise I'd stuff those in, too. So, I like to caramelize some for myself and top the burger with it.

There wasn't a lick of food in the house once we got back from Mexico, so we rode out the last of our gift cards and hit Slyder's for an early-bird dinner on Saturday. The Mister had never been there, and it'd been a good 2 years since I'd been. I opted for the patty melt, while he chose the bacon cheeseburger with fries. Our peach of a waitress also informed us that draft mini pitchers were only $3 and wings were just 40 cents each, so we threw in an order for both of those as well.

Mr. FvF loved his burger, and said the jumbo sized wings were top notch. The fries were just okay, but seemed of the frozen variety.

My patty melt was ridiculously massive and delicious. By far the biggest burger I've ever seen on a patty melt, and probably the best I've ever had. The rye bread it's served on was fantastic, the onions were soft & fragrant, and the whole thing was just swimming in melted Swiss.
Service was tops, as it usually is in these little local joints. Our waitress knew the menu enough to help me decide between two sandwiches and give recommendations. The manager also went around checking on tables and making sure folks were well taken care of. Food arrived around 10 minutes after we ordered, and our glasses (and pitcher) were never empty. So, for two burgers with fries (and chips), two mini pitchers and a small order of wings, we squeezed out of there for under $25 before tip. Total win.
I should add that Slyder's has killer onion rings, but since I was already loading up on them with my sandwich, I was trying not to totally gross out my new onion-hating husband.

5 out of 5 sporks!

I met up with two of my best gals, Ginger and her adorable daughter, a few days before the wedding for a little ladies' lunch. Beef's is right around the corner from them, so I met them there to make it easier, in case they wanted to walk.

Long story short, I wasn't terribly impressed. The food was pretty good, but not outstanding, and the service was laughable. We stood around for a minute upon entering, considering the sign said "please wait to be seated," but waited around for a guy to tell us to sit where ever we wanted. He seemed overly flustered, considering most of the tables were empty, and didn't bother offering us a high chair or booster seat for the little one until after Gin had pilfered one from another table.

It took almost 40 minutes for our food to arrive. If I'd been on a regular work schedule, I would have walked out by this point. I ordered the Smokin' Jack Sliders with pineapple cole slaw and mashed potatoes with Guiness Gravy.

The sliders were good, but nowhere near what they were billed as in the photo or description. The taters & gravy were good, but honestly - not much more impressive than KFC. The cole slaw was just regular slaw - not the slighest hint of pineapple could be found.

I sipped on an empty cup a few times, until a girl came to refill it. The great part was, she'd take off with the cup and be gone for five minutes instead of bringing me another one, while I tried to finish off my salty food with no beverage.

Pretty disappointing, and it's safe to say I won't be back.

In case you don't already know, the first Dayton Man B Que was held here at Chez Food vs Face last weekend. I'll have some upcoming links to the MBQ site with all of the amazing recipes soon. For now, though, you'll have to get by on the leftovers. The festivities left behind all sorts of food in it's wake, from already cooked food from the night before, to about 2 1/2 pounds of ground chuck and various cheeses. My sister's mister missed the event because they were to busy gettin' their metal on with Iron Maiden in Cleveland, so I decided to throw some of my own burgers together and invite them over.

Again, I take the things that normally go on top of burgers and stuff them inside - almost like a meatloaf, but one that tastes good. Here's what you'll need for this burger (yields 7 burgers, so divvy as needed for smaller amounts):

2 1/2 lbs ground chuck (80/20)
5 oz (or about 1/2 C) sharp cheddar, cut into 1/2" cubes
1/4 C bread crumbs
1/2 C BBQ sauce (recommended: Sweet Baby Ray's Original)
6-8 slices of bacon, cooked crisp & coarsely chopped
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cracked pepper
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

Combine all of the ingredients with your hands until very well mixed and form into patties. My personal preferred method is to make them into giant meatballs and flatten them just slightly - that way they don't cook too quickly or overcook. If you spy any of the cheese cubes poking out, thumb them back in and cover it up with ground beef. This will keep the precious cheese from oozing out during cooking when it starts to melt.

Toss them onto a 400 degree grill for about 3-5 minutes per side, or until they've got just a little give left to them, much like a medium steak (should create the same resistance as touching your nose with your finger). DO NOT squish the burgers with the spatula and let all of that fabulous juice out. You're grilling, so most of the actual fat will drip off. If you press them, you're ridding the burger of it's natural juices, i.e., flavor.

If you're feeling fancy (which we always are), top it with some onion rings or French fried onions, and enjoy the sound of your arteries clogging and life becoming exponentially more wonderful with each bite.

I've been lending my awesomeness to Chicago-based ManBQue for several months now, and it's time that shit gets real. In just a few weeks, ManBQue Godfather Jesse Valenciana and his crew of meat-centric goons will descend upon the Gem City to welcome anyone and everyone with a Y chromosome to enjoy three of the four things that men love most: meat, beer, and rock & roll.

ManBQue is a club, but by no stretch are they elitist. The main rules are very simple - you bring enough meat and beer to share. The grill must be in use at all times. No less than four different kinds of meat are to be served. You can read the rest, including the humiliation of vegetarians and required swearing here.

The first Dayton ManBQue will be held at a private residence (at most MBQs are), so please respond to me here, or to the email address on the above ad to RSVP and get more info.
If you're a chef or consider yourself a grill master (and have the chops to prove it), we'd love to have you attend as a judge in our grilling competition.

I'll stress, as redundant as it may seem, that ManBQue is only for men. Sorry, ladies. The only reason I'll be in proximity is because I've donated plenty of my time, resources and my own home to this organization, so I've earned my keep. Plus, I get to wear a mustache!
That aside, Dayton ManBQue hopes to grow in numbers and start hosting events at local eateries, same as the founding Chicago crew does now.

If you're a dude, and you love to grill (beginners are always welcome!), you need to get involved with ManBQue.

Also, if you think the above artwork is bad ass - which, of course, you do - contact Mr. FvF at therustyshackles@gmail.com

Pretty soon, Dayton is going to have a ManBQue chapter to call its own. The official kick off will be in June or July, but this weekend Mr. FvF and I decided to host a CoedBQue (read the rules, totally allowed on weekends) to let some folks try out their recipes.
GK served up some fabulous Buffet burgers, stuffed with beer-can peppers and onions and smothered in pepper jack cheese...
Hoeflich grilled up some ribeyes that "fell off a truck," marinated in bacon fat and garlic...

and Evil Josh had the brilliant idea of stuffing skirt steak with apples, smoked mozzarella and crushed almonds.
Even though all of that was tough to top, the Mister's Double Buffalo Sliders stole the show. Even though I'm sure you've already gorged on your share of holiday meats, you're going to want these inside you. Waddle on over to ManBQue for the recipe!

Last September, I was lucky enough to have the Godfather of Man-B-Que, Jesse Valenciana, host a cookout here at Chez Vizz. The grill must have been overwhelmed by his prowess, because it went on the fritz after that. So, I took to cooking burgers and steaks with the next best method - a ridiculously hot cast iron skillet. At that fateful cookout, I presented Bacon Burger Dogs (BBDs), which were at that point a favorite among my male friends until they had the Godfather's burgers. He marinated the ground beef in Negro Modelo overnight and crammed the burgers with fresh garlic, cilantro, chihuahua cheese, and some other stuff I'm probably forgetting. What I'm trying to say here is that these burgers were LEGIT.

So, tonight I made my own version of his burger, switching out the God-forsaken $9 Chihuahua cheese for a more economical White Chiptole cheddar. Here's the scoop, kittens.
(Caveat: I like to make burgers that you require a double-jointed jaw to bite into, so this only serves two people. Multiply as needed.)

1 lb ground beef (I found that chuck is best because of the fat content)
1/2 cup cubed white chipotle cheddar
2 tbsp bread crumbs
2 tbsp melted butter
1/2 cup finely chopped cilantro
2 cloves garlic, crushed or minced
1/2 cup finely diced onion
salt & pepper to taste

Mix all of these wonderful things together. If you have a chance, definitely marinate the beef in beer overnight - it makes a noticeable difference. Form into gigantor patties and toss into a lightly oiled cast iron skillet (or preferably, grill) and cook on mid-high heat for about 4-5 minutes per side for medium. Even if you flub up and the burgers end up well done, they will still be ridiculously tender because of all the goodness stowed away inside. Serve on a toasted bun and top with sliced avocado - NOT lots of other bullshit like mayo, mustard, ketchup, etc. Trust me, you don't need it.

I heard tell of this new burger from Wendy's last week, and had been trying to play it cool like I wasn't in a rush to try it. That is, until I saw the commercial last night. The idea of actual bleu cheese crumbles instead of dressing, along with sauteed onions, meant that I had to try this beast. So, I grabbed one at lunch today and fantasized about it all the way back to work. I ate lunch in my office just so I could have some private time with my food - plus, everyone looks at me funny when I take pictures of everything I eat.

Upon unwrapping it, I wasn't floored. They're using a bigger, bistro-style bun that hides some of the goodness. But, the burger itself hung off all sides of the bun, and that certainly wasn't bumming me out. Like grandma always said, size DOES matter.

I was concerned that all of the accouterments they allude to in the ad weren't actually on there. I'm also pretty neurotic that things on my sandwiches are evenly dispersed, so naturally - I took it apart for further inspection.

I didn't see nearly as many sauteed onions and I would have liked, but they were certainly present. There was also some sort of "steakhouse spread," more than enough cheese crumbles, lettuce, tomato, and some pretty decent-looking bacon.

The spread turned out to be a fancied-up mayo, almost like a peppercorn aioli, maybe even the slightest smidge of horseradish in there, too. It definitely did the burger more justice than regular ol' Hellman's would have. The bacon was on point - a good mixture of crunchy and chewy, and definitely not that flaccid bullshit they use for the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers.

If the burger patty was thicker and slightly higher quality, and it wasn't slapped together haphazardly by a high-school drop-out, this could easily be mistaken for a bistro burger at a sit-down joint. In fact, the ingredients are basically identical for the Pacchia burger from the restaurant of the same name (now closed) that I used to daydream about - just scaled down to a Wendy's budget. The verdict: the Bacon & Bleu beats the pants off of most fast food burgers.



5 out of 5 sporks!