Most sandwich lovers know that every Sunday in April denotes FREE fresh cut fries with the purchase of any sub. Wouldn't it be nice to get free fries on a Tuesday in June, though?

You lucky dogs, I can make that happen for you!

I have three free fry passes, good until 2015 - any ol' day of the week. The first person to send me three new fans, or the first three people to send me a new fan on the Facey Pages, are winning these suckers.  Make sure your friends that "like" FvF on Facebook shoot me a message to let me know who sent them.

Now that I'm fully back to my natural rhythm at work, which entails virtually living out of my car and driving around 100 miles a day, getting lost frequently and eating entirely too much fast food and takeout - I've had a chance to sample some of the new offerings from Burger King, Taco Bell and KFC.   Most times, I will order something like a salad, or a grilled chicken sandwich and eat it open-faced.  But, when the big guys offer something new, I feel like it's my duty to try it for you. Aren't you glad I'm sacrificing my own waistline so you'll know if it's worth it to ruin yours?

First and foremost, Taco Bell's Doritos Locos Tacos.  Simply put, these are their regular ol' tacos in a shell made of  Nacho cheese Doritos.  And guess what it tastes like?  Exactly that.  A TB taco covered on Dorito dust.  It's one of those borderline-shameful meals that you should have at least once to say you did (assuming these will only be here for a limited time), but never again.  One thing I will commend them on is the way they chose to package these.  When you dig into your bag, you find the standard paper taco wrapper, but inside that, your crazy taco is cupped by a thin cardboard shell of its own that helps you eat it without getting your hands covered in cheedle.

Then there's KFC's Chunky Chicken Pot Pie.  I had only caught the tail end of the ad they've been running for it, featuring a groovy ebony & ivory bro-fest and a pretty awesome car - so that's not what led me to check it out.  It's not that I don't love pot pie - let me be clear that I DO.  But, the same as Mr. FvF agreed to turn the grill over to me, I gave up the quest for the perfect pot pie recipe when I realized he's one of those people who hates all of his foods mixed together.  What lead me to try it was all of the positive reviews I kept hearing from reputable sources.  One week, I had to drive back and forth from Dayton to Columbus every day for work. Naturally, I wasn't in the mood to cook when I got home - so one night, we decided to let the Colonel take care of dinner.  I have to admit, it's among the top three pot pies I've ever had and one of the best fast food items I've ever eaten.  For me, KFC rarely gets things right.  Their chicken is always either too hot to eat, below room temp, and greasy. I don't like any of their sides, either.  So, it astonishes me that I'm calling this pie a total home run.  The crust is perfect.  Golden and flaky on top, soft and buttery underneath. The sauce is somewhere between what you'd find in your own pot pie or any number of frozen pot pies, and a creamy white gravy.  The filling is heavier on big chunks of white meat chicken than you'd imagine for the price, and the veggie ratio is pretty reasonable, though it could use a few more bursts of color.  At an ball-dropping 790 calories and 45 grams of fat, this is probably another thing that you should find an occasion to eat.  I'm sure you won't have trouble finding one, though.

Burger King is really McDonald-ing up their menu lately.  I say that in the nicest way possible - but I can't find another way to explain the addition of new all-breast meat chicken offerings, slightly healthy wraps and fruit smoothies.  They're making an attempt to healthify things, which I respect.  The last menu change they did - their new thicker-cut fries - still has me salty.  Otherwise, as long as BK keeps serving Icees and Whoppers, I don't give a shit what else they put on their menu.  I had already tried one of their new Chef's Choice burgers, and can report that it was tasty.  Higher quality bun and toppings, and a thicker, less greasy tasting patty made for a big improvement on their burgers (which I'll admit I already liked).  On a whim, I decided to try Burger King's New Chicken Strips.  I've never been a fan of BK's tenders/nuggets/whatever.  They're all the mechanically separated and processed, super soft stuff.  If I wanted that, I could eat the fake Morningstar Farms chicken and be making a much healthier choice.  I had no idea what the difference was between the tenders and strips on their menu, and I still do't know now.  So, I ordered the strips and was pleasantly surprised - they really are all white breast meat.  But, the breading leaves a lot to be desired.  It's lacking tremendously in spices and seasoning, and the texture doesn't really do anything for me, either.  They have a new line of sauces for all this new chicken, too.  People who work at Burger King don't know what the hell a food blogger is, so I can't try all the sauces unless I want to pay 25 cents extra for each one outside of the one that comes with my food.  I chose the Kung Pao, but they also have roasted jalapeno, sweet & sour and something else I don't remember.  The Kung Pao was good, but a little too heavy on the soy sauce for my taste.  Just too damn salty for a mid-day meal.  Overall, it was very meh.  If you want good chicken strips, find yourself a Hardee's.

The winner of this Fast Food Thunderdome is....

The Colonel!  KFC's new pot pie is legit. I highly recommend trying one, but make sure you're aware it is an indulgence.  This isn't something anyone should beat eating everyday, unless you want to wind up looking like this guy. Or this lady.

Here's the deal, lunchboxes - I should be welcoming a little tiny eater in about T minus two weeks.  I have a metric shitload of reviews that need written. At this point, making separate entries for each one is NOT going to happen.  So, you're going to get a lot of quick, abridged reviews, without photos.  I'd be happy to provide photos and additional commentary if you're curious about a specific place or dish - just leave something in the comments section.  Loosen up your Sans-a-Belts, here we go!

Smashburger - Dayton, Ohio (UD)
Hadn't gotten around to trying this place or Five Guys, and there was a groupon-type thing available for around $12 worth of food.  Two burgers, one order of fries and one soda was $16.  DAMN!  A bit steep for what I consider fast food.  I can't seem to recall specifics, but their menu was a little limited and confusing - and the staff had no idea what their signature sauce was.  I do specifically recall that the restaurant was filthy.  The floors were so dirty and sticky that I lost my shoe to it three times.  EW, Smashburger.  The food itself wasn't bad, but certainly wasn't impressive.  Fries were so greasy, they were transparent.  I'd choose Tank's any day, for my money.  Hell, with the experience we had, I'd probably pick Hardee's over Smashburger.  
1 out of 5 sporks! 


CJ Chan - Dayton, Ohio
Finally tried this place out for date night after hearing nothing but rave reviews.  Situated in a really odd spot, in a tiny shopping center just between the ass-end of Kettering and Walnut Hills, the place has very limited parking and seating (not to mention pulling into the lot at over 2mph can do some damage to your car).  We lucked out and gt their just before dinner rush and had a terrific meal.  Mr. FvF had sweet & sour pork and I had Mongolian beef - probably some of the best and most traditional I've ever had.  Fried pork dumplings were also excellent. Prices were right on point, service was tops and the menu is extensive and impressive.  Can't wait to go back.      
5 out of 5 sporks! 



Rootbeer Stande - Kettering, Ohio
Exactly what you'd expect from a drive-in restaurant.  The girls don't wear roller skates, but otherwise it's just as old-timey as you'd expect.  Burgers, dogs, and lots of fair-fare (corn dogs, Texas tenderloins, funnel cakes), and nothing over $5, if memory serves.  More importantly, the rootbeer is super tasty, and heavy on the sasparilla, which is just the way I like it.  My bacon cheeseburger was nice & messy, loaded with toppings, and the Mister's tenderloin was mammoth and delicious. We also split the fried pickle spears and mini corn dogs, which I highly recommend.  FYI, they only take cash.               
5 out of 5 sporks! 



Brunch Club - Dayton, Ohio
Another groupon-type deal. Hadn't been here in years, since it was The Breakfast Club.  We met another couple there for brunch and had an excellent meal.  Kind of made me wonder why I don't hear more about the place - but judging by the wait for a table, maybe it's the kind of place everyone tries to keep secret.  Mr. FvF and I were thrilled to see Chicken & Waffles on the specials board, and even more excited to see that it's on their everyday menu.  He couldn't resist ordering that, I had the meat lovers' omelette, and our brunch buds had the eggs benedict and breakfast burrito with sides of potato cakes.  Everything was spot-on.  I'm not usually a hash brown fan, but theirs were crispy, onion-y and not greasy at all - just perfect.  The omelette was fluffy and on par with my favorites from Golden Nugget.  Mr. FvF's dish was downright impressive.  The waffle was just a waffle like any other, but the super fresh, hot broasted chicken was out of this world.  The breakfast burrito was incredibly fresh-tasting for something that was covered in gravy, and I have to take someone else's word that the eggs benedict was very well done also. The service could have been better.  Our waitress was a bit slow (cutting her some slack b/c of the crowd), but incredibly clumsy and forgetful.  We had to ask for my husband's coffee three times, and she spilled water all over our table right out of the gate.   Also, when I ask for chocolate milk "with my meal," that's when I want it.  With my meal.  Few things irritate me more than letting milk sit for 5-10 minutes, getting warm while waiting for my food.  And when are eateries going to get hip to frosty glasses for milk?  Every place I order it, it's practically room temperature.  As far as price, serving sizes are commensurate with the cost.   Will definitely be heading here again.    
4 out of 5 sporks! 



McCormick & Schmick's - Beavercreek, Ohio
Sadly, this is from Restaurant week, back in July.  Pitiful, I know.  We double-dated with another couple - the boys both ordered the cashew-crusted tilapia (regular menu)and sweet potato cous cous, and the gals both ordered off the RW menu - filet florentine, cucumber salad and flourless chocolate torte.  The main dishes and cous cous were pitch-perfect, but some of the sides and salads needed a little touching up.  The vinaigrette on the cucumber salad was far too tart.  A little sweetness would have gone a long way.  The boys' cous cous was amazing and finished with Jamaican rum butter, but the risotto that came with the RW specials was, well - nothing special.  One of the dessert choices was supposed to be chocolate silk pie with bourbon creme anglaise, but had been changed to the torte with raspberry sauce. It was very good, but could have used a few fresh raspberries to balance the dense sweetness.  Service was good, despite our wait for a table when I had reservations and partied of the same size who arrived after us were seated before us.  Price points were very fair on their regular menu - most entrees between $15 and $25.  I can definitely see us dining here again, perhaps for a special occasion, outside of Restaurant Week.                
4 out of 5 sporks! 


El Toro - Huber Heights, Ohio
Ew.  I won't even go into too much detail here, because it's not worth it.  Standard Mexican-fare menu, price points are about the same no matter where you go.  I ordered something with shredded beef, which was incredibly fatty and bland.  Service was so-so.  Again, EW.  Would not go back.  Giving them one point because my co-workers swear their food was good.                                      
1 out of 5 sporks!



Blueberry Cafe - Bellbrook, Ohio
Best breakfast I've had that wasn't at my mama's house.  Excellent service, huge portions and the food was simply outstanding.  I went there because I had a hankering for French Toast, and I heard they do it right. Upon arrival, I realized that this place was truly sent to answer a pregnant girl's prayers.  On the specials?  Banana bread pudding french toast.  I almost wish I was making it up, because I want to eat it every day of my life.  I think there was unicorn blood in it.  Magical.  The leftovers - about half a slice, took more than one hand to hold, and Mr. FvF and I split the half piece for breakfast the next morning.  Two very small complaints - the goodness that oozed from my French toast got all under my potatoes and eggs, making them more sweet than savory.  Boo.  And again, with the milk.  I asked for it with my meal, and it came out 10 minutes ahead - not all that cold, and just getting warmer.  Blueberry Cafe seems to be renowned for their breakfasts, but their lunch menu also looks impressive, as do their Friday night dinner offerings.  The place is very tiny, so a wait is likely, but well worth it. They do take reservations for dinner, not sure about breakfast and lunch, though.  Price points might be considered on the higher end for breakfast and lunch, but the portions more than warrant it.
4.5 out of 5 sporks! 

Next up, the Steak & Egg Burrito. Not too shabby. Mr. FvF loved this one. I thought it was pretty okay, considering the thought of "steak" from Taco Bell probably comes from the same place as the Mongolian Beef at New China. It did have a nice smoky sauce, though.

Wendy's Pick Two: Their new deluxe salads are totally legit, and now you can opt for a smaller salad and pair it with one of their value menu items for just $4.99. Today for lunch I had the chili and BLT chicken cobb salad and it kept me full until well into dinner-cooking time.

In a dinner pinch earlier this week, and wanting to avoid the grocery at all costs, we grabbed the Hot Head Burrito coupons that come in Reach Magazine and bellied up there for our evening meal after some shopping.

Sorry to say, there are no pictures. Frankly, I was feeling lazy and it's kind of hard to make a burrito look good. It's either all wrapped up or half-eaten. Mr. FvF opted for a spicy steak burrito with black beans, Hot Head sauce and other fixins, and I had two hard pork tacos with black beans, pico and guacamole (kid's meal - so I also got a small beverage a cookie). I've had their pork before and it's surprisingly good for a fast food joint, so I was perfectly pleased with my meal. Everything was pretty fresh, and all of the flavors were bold enough without being overpowering.

The Mister had never had a "fast food" style burrito, like the kind that Hot Head, and more notably, Chipotle serve up. So, he was a bit put off by the amount of rice that was in it. But, that's pretty much how it goes. All of that rice helps hold the burrito together and makes it the gigantic meal that it is. When I first asked him how he liked it, he said he wasn't crazy about the sauce and thought it was bitter - but later admitted he may have just gotten a bad bite and the sauce tasted better to him after a few more bites.

Big ups for having 4+ diet drink options, because Diet Pepsi is vial. I had the diet peach green tea, which was tops - but they also had Diet Mt. Dew and Diet Dr. Pepper. The staff was also super friendly and chatted us up while we were ordering, but not to the point that you wished they would shut up and just take your money, already. With the coupons, it was only about $9 for both of us to eat and be full, which somehow makes the food taste a little better. It wasn't the best fast-Mexican I've ever had, but I've certainly had much worse - at a higher price with poor service. I've never been impressed with Chipotle or Qdoba (or anything else of that ilk), so I'd just as soon go to Hot Head any day.